But Because You Say So

We were in Bali just over a year ago. My Facebook account prompted me recently to share the throwback. There was a picture of me sitting on a tube with my daughter gently flowing down Lazy River in Kuta's Waterbom park. My daugther looked hesitant about being on the tube but I was smiling, I think trying to convince her that it was going to be fun. I noticed that I looked weightier and it was then that I said to myself "This was before cancer". There wasn't any indication of cancer in that photo and I felt a slight disappointment with the present. I found myself wondering what was that one thing that I did or did not do in that one year that triggered this. I had told myself never to ask what or why, but this caught me by surprise.

June to June has really been a year of significant changes for me. Lots of people were leaving my previous firm due to a reorganisation. I too left in December last year and started on a new job in January which I am enjoying. My eldest son got through a tough exam year and is now in s junior college that he wasn't sure he would gain entry to. I've reduced my involvement in his studies as he is now at an age where he has to take charge of his future. I got more serious about losing some weight, reducing my carbo intake and bought a rowing machine which I have been using regularly. I was acutely aware that I was entering mid-life and wanted to make positive changes to my life. I even started a blog to record these events in my life. And then lymphoma.

I am back in Bali this week. It is a last minute trip. The last 2 weeks at work with the appropriate precautions had worked out well for me. It is the last week of the school holidays and I desperately need some time away with the family whilst I am still well enough to travel. So I applied for annual leave and booked the flights. No roaming around the island on this trip, it is just meant to be a relaxing beach holiday with no crowds and lots of fresh sea air and calming Balinese gardens.

This morning I woke up early for a run on the beach. Not sure why I've never done this before. The breeze was lovely, and sound of the waves calming. I managed to run for 45 minutes up and down the beach. As I was heading back towards the direction of the hotel, I saw the silloutte of a traditional Ballinese boat against the crepuscular rays. I was immediately reminded of a passage I recently read from the Gospel of Luke 5:

4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." 5 Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7 So they signalled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

It reminded me that when there is the slightest sense of disappointment, I must learn to keep my chin up and carry on not because of my own strength "but because you say so".