Annual Check-up

We all keep track of the months that are significant to us don't we? Birthdays, anniversaries, school holidays and therefore family vacations. These days, my mental calendar also includes my encounter with lymphoma. February was the month I started feeling lumps on my neck, May was the month I was diagnosed and started on chemo, November was the month chemo finally ended and January was the month I tested to see if I was in remission.  A year has flow by and today I was back at the oncology clinic to find out the results of the annual tests that the doctor ran on me.

My wife asked me if I was worried. I did think about it, but I hadn't lost sleep over it. Not because I felt invincible, far from it - cancer reminds us that there are no guarantees in life. The Epistle of James puts it aptly:

13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  ~ James 4: 13- 15

Living with the unknown, I've learnt to just trust that God will be with me whatever the outcomes. If I could out-think cancer, then I wouldn't have had the condition in the first place, so it is really no point thinking too much about it.


There were quite a few patients at the clinic today - young and old. Every time I am at the clinic, I tell myself that there just isn't a face to cancer. It can happen to anyone at any stage of life - nobody is singled out for cancer. There was a teenage boy there with his mother. He lost his hair due to the effects of chemo but was otherwise in good spirit. His mother was calm and collected. How courageous, the both of them. I pray for their victory over cancer. God is able.

There are those who hold strong views against chemo - that it does far more harm than the cancer itself and leaves the patient far to weak to battle the disease. I agree that chemo can't always guarantee success, and different people react to it differently. It is true that it often has significant side effects. But with the improvement in research, the drugs are getting better and they give patients a good chance of survival. Nobody should ever need to be a "fan" of chemo, but we should not look at it as if it were a dirty bomb that completely destroys whatever is left of a patient. We need to try putting our fears aside and be open to advice from a responsible oncologist. Although the road can be bumpy, there are good outcomes.

When it finally came to my turn to see the doctor, he was kind enough to let me know the results immediately, at the reception area as we were walking to his office. All clear. When he flipped through the scans he said that there wasn't anything to see because there really isn't anything there. One year in full remission. I really thank God for the good outcome. Truly, we live by the grace of God.

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers.

Cycle 5

Back in May, I blogged about my apprehension with chemo - what it  may be like and what I was doing to prepare myself for it. But after starting the treatment, the slight apprehension I have is whether the next cycle will be delayed and if so by how long. And then after awhile even the delays become a norm. The current cycle, the fifth one, has been delayed twice. 

Three weeks back, at the mid-point of cycle 4, my white blood count (wbc) was at its highest ever at 20+ ths/uL ie 20 thousand white blood cells per microlitres of blood. I checked it out, 1 microlitres is 1/1,000,000,000th of 1 cubic meter. It is mind boggling how many white blood cells (lymphocytes), we have and how tiny they are.  Our lives can't function without these micro-warrior, yet as in my case, if any of them turn to the dark side they can wreck havoc. The chemo destroys both lymphocytes and renegade white blood cells (lymphoma), yet I need enough of lymphocytes to continue with the chemo. A delicate balance.

The normal wbc ranges between 4 - 11 ths/uL, so my immunity at that point in time went through the roof. This was right after I took a set of booster jabs which is part of the regime. Two weeks later, it was down to 2.85 ths/uL. Where did 17 ths/uL suddenly disappear to is anybody's guess. Chemo is split into several cycles to allow our body the time to recover; the body's immunity is supposed to be at its lowest in the middle of the cycle and recover in the second half of the cycle. It was slow to recover in my case.

From past experience, it would nudge up slightly after about 4 days to a level that is closer to 4 ths/uL.  But this time round, despite waiting for another week, my wbc slipped further south to 2.75 ths/uL when I did the test on Monday. Was it a case of the chemo being too effective? So cycle 5 got delayed a second time. The doctor gave me booster jabs for 3 days and the hope was that by Thursday morning my wbc would be back up.  Due to some change of plans I came back to the clinic a day earlier than scheduled. The wbc this morning was back up to 9+ ths/uL. So finally I was cleared to start on cycle 5. I have been here for about 3 hours and another hour to go before the chemo session is completed for today.

I try to manage whatever resources I have, including time, the best I can but situations like this make me acutely aware that I don't have mastery over time or timing. There is a passage from James 4:

13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 

Truly, we submit everything to a big awesome God who has mastery over time and smallest of His creations, including lymphocytes. I don't have enough understand of either but fortunately my knowledge and understanding are never pre-requisites for things to work out in life.

5 cycles almost done, and 1 to go, by God's will.


1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to those he loves.

~ Psalms 127 : 1 - 2