Holding On

His mercies, they are new every morning 

During worship at this morning's church service, one of the songs we sang was "Hold on to me" by Planetshakers. As we sang the song, I thought about one of my cousin sisters. Several months before, she had a car accident because her vision was impaired when she was behind the wheels. Follow up with the doctors indicated that she had a brain tumour. She had an operation to remove the tumour but the cancer came back soon after. The condition eventually led to a coma. She passed away on the first day of Chinese New Year this February. I thought about her because she journeyed with Jesus though many years and held on to Him in the face of death. I thought of her because she knew who she belonged to and was confident that God was with her no matter what the outcome.

She is a cousin from my father's side of the family. She would arrange for her siblings and their families to visit us each Chinese New Year when my father was still around. That would be the one time in the year when I got to hear my father speak Hakka. She exuded kindness and thoughtfulness. After my father passed away, she continued to maintained contact with us. She became a first time grandmother last year. No doubt a very proud moment for, especially because she had to raise her two kids by herself after her husband passed away.

She was one of two faithful Christians whom I know who fought a good fight against the ravages of cancer and went home to be with the Lord in the recent months. Both whose characters demonstrated that Jesus was the Lord over their lives. Both who remembered His words recorded in the Gospel of John:

9 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. ~ John 10: 9 - 10 (NIV)

In their struggle, they believed that God is always good. There is one that comes to steal, kill and destroy, to undermine our trust in God. But Jesus showed us that none of this is permanent because He has overcome death. These two persons have entered the gate and knew that their lives were safe in God's hands. Even as their physical bodies failed them, even as they were losing strength, they prayed to Jesus to hold on to them, and never let them go.

I thank God for these two lives who pointed others to Jesus in their suffering and passing on. They leave a godly legacy for those that they leave behind.

Hold on to me sweet Jesus

Never let me go

Never let me go

Never let me go

(Hold on to me, Planetshakers)

Ecclesiastes

Our bible study group meets on alternate Saturday afternoons, which can be a challenging time of the day if you are in a habit of catching a short nap. I can't quite remember how long we've had this arrangement, but long enough to have gotten used to it. There is of course food involved and good conversations. We learn a lot from our different perspectives on life and we remind each other of God's presence in all our circumstances. We took the last 18 months or so to get through the book of Numbers - I must admit it felt like we were wondering through the desert for 40 years!  

Two weeks ago, we started a study on the book of Ecclesiastes. Whether you are from a Jewish or Christian faith or not, you may well have stumbled across the words from Ecclesiastes. The Byrds recorded Turn! Turn! Turn! back in 1965, which adapted the words from Chapter 3. Bible historians believe that the book was written by King Solomon, who having experienced all the great riches and pleasures, in his old age declared that everything in life is meaningless. Right from the start, this book goes into a rant about life being an unending cycle of pointlessness. It feels like it was written by someone experiencing deep depression rather than someone supposedly renown for great wisdom. I would caution against reading the first two chapters of this book if you are prone to Monday blues. 

Yesterday our small group covered Chapter 3:1-15. It was a contrast to the earlier chapters - rather than life being an unending cycle of toil, it talks about life having seasons. It talks about a time to be born, to plant, to heal, to build, to laugh, to dance. Everything in its appointed time. But actually, with each of these, it also makes reference to their antithesis - a time to die, to uproot, to kill, to teardown, to weep and to mourn. It talks about the striking realities of our lives, things that we have no control over. This is the portion of the Bible that is so philosophical that you may think it is written by a humanist. This passage points to some of the ugly downsides in life that, as Christians, we want to get as far away as possible. We quietly hope and pray that we are more fortunate. Yet what it really says is that this is how life is in general. 

I had been following Nabeel Quareshi's vlog over the last couple of months and I shared his story and his condition to the small group. Only 34, so fervent for God, achieved so much yet capable of so much more. Throughout his battle with advanced stomach cancer, he trusted that God was fully capable of healing him, yet at the same time believing that whatever the outcome God is loving and sovereign. This morning, we learnt that Nabeel had gone home to be with the Lord. Even as he took that very difficult final journey, he pointed others to Jesus. He knew that Jesus understood what he was going through because Jesus faced a far worse ordeal. He had assurance that his faith was not in vain because Jesus showed him that beyond death is eternal life. And that too is the wisdom from Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

Life, with its ups and downs, will remain a mystery to all of us until Jesus returns to make all things new.


1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.


9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. ~ Ecclesiastes 3: 1-15

Lent

It's been a "What is happening Lord?" sort of week. Mid-week, a friend told me that she has had a relapse and the cancer has spread. The next day, another friend updated me on his condition. He too has had a relapse. Both love the Lord, both continue to trust Him with their lives. There just didn't seem to be a reasonable explanation. I thought I've learnt not to look for answers in such situations, yet I was trying hard to figure God out.  It didn't help that I watched the video of the Malaysian pastor who was kidnapped in broad daylight. Three big black SUV surrounded his car, forced him to stop and took him away. It was like in a movie. What happened there God? 

Unfortunately it is still instinctive for me to ask "why God?" when something lousy happens. I avoid looking at pictures or articles on childhood cancer. But a few days ago, I came across a picture of a couple crying as they held on to their child who had just died. The child was probably no more than 2 years old.  Childhood cancer devastates the soul. I quickly scrolled away but I did catch myself ask "why God?"

In this season of Lent, I am reminded that as Jesus took his last breath on the cross, He gave words to situations where we face our deepest anguishes,"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" I am reminded that although I do not know God's mind nor His plans, I do know that He suffered greatly for me. I must remember that He didn't come to sell me a prosperity gospel. He showed us what suffering could be like - that it is real, that is it difficult to bear, that there will be disappointments and that we will ask why. 

When we take a hard look at the road marked with suffering, we will see His footprints. You will see that He was and is walking on the same side of the road with you. You will see that He fell many times on the road to Calvary. You will see that every time He fell, He got up and He carried on because He had to lead the way on the road of suffering. God is closer than ever to those who are in the midst of suffering, whether I remember it or not.