A Year On

So it has been exactly a year since I found out that I had lymphoma. A year of many firsts - PET/CT scans, bone marrow biopsy, chemotherapy, booster jabs, face masks, nausea, insomnia, rashes, low white blood count, TCM, lots of delays. There were many worried people, tremendous support and good advice. I managed to slot in holidays with my family to Bali, Maldives, the UK, and to KL for Chinese New Year - life is too short to be stuck at home with nowhere to go. It is important to create lasting memories more than ever before. I am thankful for getting through the year still intact. 

Taking one step at a time has been helpful. I have mentioned this before, the doctors are very good at giving you enough information to take the next positive step rather than downloading everything to scare you away. They nudge you to give yourself the best chance despite the many unknowns. I am in the habit of wanting to know how my future would unfold, and uncomfortable with the idea that life does not take a upward trajectory at all times. I am used to dictating how life ought to be - that it should all be good, and if it is bad, it is bad on my own terms. But in reality, you don't get to know the future unless you take the next step. And when you do, you have enough information to take yet another step. 

Facing cancer can be isolating if you allow yourself to feel that way. You need to quickly get over the feeling that you are inferior, unlucky or that God had brought you this far to abandon you. You need to keep calm so that you won't lose sight of the wonderful people around you. And you have to be certain that with Jesus, death has lost its sting. Take each step as it comes, and the weeks will pass, and the months will also pass. It can feel extremely slow at times, so you need family and friends. Eventually, even the year will pass. 

Dentist

He was confident that it would sort itself out. I saw that it bothered him but he would tell me it was fine. In recent months, he told me that the school dental nurse would remove it for him. The last few weeks though he decided that we should go to the private dentist. I was glad he finally made that decision. Now I had to find a slot where both he and I would be available to make the visit. 

Today's schedule was disrupted by the heavy rain in the morning. Swimming lessons had to be cancelled and he went through his science revision for Monday's exams instead. I was quite surprised how much he could remember on the diversity of living things. Where he could not remember, his younger sister would give him a hint. Fish had scales on their bodies for instance. We went out for a late lunch after my eldest son finished his chemistry tuition. It was meant to be a quick lunch as the swimming lesson was rescheduled to 3.15pm. 

After lunch, we passed by the dentist and my son reminded me to make an appointment for him next week. I suggested we see the dentist right then since we were already there.  He agreed but felt nervous. He has been to the dentist before, all the kids have. While waiting for his turn, my son asked me whether it would hurt. He asked me whether his elder brother, mother and I have extracted our tooth before. I told him that it would only hurt a little and we have all been through it.

He had overlapping teeth. One of his milk teeth refused to fall off to make way for the permanent tooth. It wasn't painful but he would often try to remove food that got stuck in between. I told the dentist about his condition and she examine the tooth. I thought it was his canine but the dentist confirmed that it was one of his incisors which should have fallen off a year back. He put on his shades and headphones and focused on the TV on the ceiling. I  was sat next to him and held his hand as the dentist injected the local anesthetic. The discomfort caused him to move a little but he remembered what the dentist told him - that if he didn't move, she could do it slowly and that would be less painful. 

Within minutes it was over. He declared to me that he wasn't afraid but could not find a word to describe what he felt. He keeps calm when facing challenges.

Laryngitis

Last Saturday's visit to a second GP confirmed I had laryngitis - infection of the voice box. I thought I felt better by Monday and went to work. But I came home with a running nose instead, and the sore throat persisted. I had difficulty swallowing my food and saliva. I lost my sense of smell, taste and appetite. I was dependant on panadol, anti-inflammatory medication and Strepsil lozenges to work, speak and sleep. A friend who had chemo last year told me she took 3 months to fully recover from a cold, so I felt I had to be patient. 

Yesterday morning, after 2+ weeks, I still woke up with the pain in my throat. I was concerned that it was something far more serious and decided to go back to the GP. She said viral flu can last a little longer! On my way home, I asked myself "where am I with God?" Feeling a bit sorry for myself, I said "Where can I go from your presence God? Good or bad, I cannot run from your presence but I do feel like I have been running on the spot for the past 2 weeks. 

I slept the rest of the day away because the doctor prescribed me with Actifed for the cough. At about 11.30pm, I woke up after too much sleeping during the day - insomnia.  I decided to do what I did last week, youtube. I don't know why I didn't see it then, maybe because my search on Sarah Reeeves was too specific. In yesterday's search, I saw that she had just released her first single "Nowhere" in early April. The chorus of the song goes: "There's nowhere that I can go, There's nowhere that I can hide, When I feel like I'm alone, Your love and my heart collide."

When I was ready to go back to sleep, I brushed my teeth and for some reason I decided to use the enzymatic moisturising mouth wash that the oncologist prescribe to prevent mouth ulcers from developing during chemo. I tried it 2 weeks ago, but it didn't make a difference then. But I tried it again yesterday night, and I felt the soreness leaving and I was able to sleep.

Even though I didn't need it when I was undergoing chemo, I needed it now to moisturise my recovery from laryngitis. Lesson learnt.

Psalm 139: 1 - 8
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

Rest for the Head

I was down with a bug this past week. The sore throat was so bad it reminded me of the time when I had tonsillitis as a child. It felt like I had a hedgehog lodged in my throat. I prefer self-medication but this time, after putting it off for a few days, I went to the GP. She must have thought that there was a long queue waiting to see her because she processed me like meat out of a sausage machine. In a minute she confirmed that I didn't have fever, no tonsillitis, it was viral, more water and lots of rest was what I needed. She gave me a medical certificate to rest at home for a day and a selection of medication. I was out of the consultation room before I could warm the seat.

The whole week of on and off fever, coughing and sore throat left me mentally and physically tired. So yesterday night, I decided to played the Sarah Reeves songlist from her youtube channel. She does covers of worship songs usually playing an electric piano. It brought sudden calmness to my heavy head. I felt the knots in head getting unknotted. And it reminded of the time when I was tuning into this channel regularly when I was just diagnosed with lymphoma a year back.

It was tough then to praise God. It is easier to accept that God remains sovereign and that He is all powerful and that He knows what He is doing. But quite difficult to give praise and worship like it was the best week I've ever had in my life. Nabeel Qureshi spoke about this recently in one of his vlog "Worshiping when you're hurting". Nabeel is an Christian apologist who is currently undergoing treatment for stomach cancer. The vlog strongly resonated with me.

Sarah's cover songs helps me to focus on the simple yet powerful lyrics of the songs. It is unhurried, meditative and contemplative. The songs remind listeners that in whatever circumstances, we still have God and that is more than enough. It's wonderful to have such resources available online to share and remind us of what a good God we have.

Blood Test

I woke up thinking "Blood test today, hmm should I be worried about the pain?" Strange thoughts that float in my head. How painful can drawing blood be and is worrying ever as simple as making a decision to worry or not to worry? 

The last 2 times I did blood tests were pretty bad as far as blood tests go. The phlebotomist could not find my veins and tried 2 to 3 spots before she finally got my specimen. There was quite a bit of movements after the needle went in and it was painful when she drew out the syringe. She was apologetic and very kind to reassure me that it is common for patients' veins to be thrombosed after undergoing several months of chemo. During the last visit, when my doctor asked me how I was doing, I told him about this. He asked the clinic receptionist who was the phlebotomist who attended to me and requested for a change the next time I come for a blood test. I felt quite bad about it because I really didn't think it was the phlebotomist's fault.

Anyway, I decided this morning that I wasn't going to worry about it. It is only going to take a few minutes and and unless I was willing to have some whisky to numb the pain, it wasn't something within my control. As I was driving to the clinic, I prayed for my 2 friends who are undergoing treatment due to relapse and I drew comfort from their courage. In the challenge they face, their faith is pointing people to Jesus. I am really thankful for their living testimonies. It reminded me not to let this blood test phobia take root. 

So a different phlebotomist attended to me this morning. She too took a little longer to find my vein. She asked me to clench my fist harder even though I was already clenching it pretty hard out of anxiety. It didn't sound like this was going to be painless. I am in the category of people who prefer to look at the needle as it punctures my skin; feels like I am more in control of the situation. I mean at least I can manage myself if I have to give out a scream. I put my glasses on so that I could see clearly. And then I closed my eyes for 2 seconds to say a short prayer. And then I saw the phlebotomist drawing my blood without even feeling the needle, throughout. 

Lessons learnt: (1) Tell your doctor whatever you may be experiencing, whether imagined or not, embarrassing or not. (2) In many situations, worry is preventable even if the outcomes are not within my control (3) Draw courage from others (4) Clenching my fist really hard could help (5) Prayer work.

Glad it is over.

Doors

I just finished reading John Ortberg's "All the Places To Go... How Will You Know?". I probably bought the book 18 months back when I was thinking about my career. There was the option to take redundancy or continue to stay with the firm that I had worked with for more than 10 years. If I took redundancy, should I take some time off? If so, for how long? If I didn't, when would I have the chance to do it? If I jump straight into another role, would I be missing something? You can see why a book with that title made a lot of sense.

When the time came to make the decision, I made it quickly. I couldn't see myself retiring in the firm and it was time to try something different. The job market wasn't great, so it felt risky to take a career break and risk not having a suitable job to come back to. I know, it seems counter-intuitive as far as career breaks were concerned. By God's grace a suitable role came along, and I accepted the offer. There wasn't time to read the book and ponder what big things may be in store for me. I left it on my bedside table.

Last year, when I started on chemo, I stuck the book into my knapsack in case I needed something to read. I wasn't really thinking; if I did, would I be reading a book with this caption on the front cover "God has place before you an open door. What will you do?" Cancer and chemo doesn't quite fit the picture of an open door. And the back cover is equally uplifting: "God has an amazing adventure planned for you. All you need to do is walk through the door. And who knows? You just might do something that lasts for eternity." The book remained in my knapsack throughout my treatment and I forgot about it until recently when I was clearing up the knapsack for a short trip.

A timely find. Ever since I completed the treatment, I have been pondering - do I just go back to how things used to be? Is there something that I am meant to be doing that I am not doing? Surely I ought to be 10 times a better person than I used to be. I was standing in queue behind a lady who was ordering her wanton noodles the other day and I found myself getting impatient as she had a hard time deciding on the drink she wanted. Shouldn't I be more patient and considerate after what I have been through? But life is short and there is no time to waste, can we move along speedily please? Things and thoughts don't just fall into place right after the doctors gave me an all clear.  I am more appreciative of life but I still sweat the small things. I fit right back into the Business-As-Usual mode as if cancer was a mere punctuation - feels like no change in course needed, but is that really how it is meant to be? 

As I was praying about this yesterday morning, I was prompted by John 10: 9-10:

I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that you may have life and have it abundantly


The theme that runs through John's (Ortberg) book is doors. Open doors and closed doors. Reading the book over the past 2 days, it became clear to me that it wasn't intended to guide me through my career decisions last year. Rather, the book is meant to guide me through this slightly confusing time. The answer to my pondering was never going to be something other than God. More holidays were great but then what about all that times in between holidays? Finding a cause is great too, but what is the question I am trying to answer? God was reminding me that it all starts with Him being my open door.  

Lent

It's been a "What is happening Lord?" sort of week. Mid-week, a friend told me that she has had a relapse and the cancer has spread. The next day, another friend updated me on his condition. He too has had a relapse. Both love the Lord, both continue to trust Him with their lives. There just didn't seem to be a reasonable explanation. I thought I've learnt not to look for answers in such situations, yet I was trying hard to figure God out.  It didn't help that I watched the video of the Malaysian pastor who was kidnapped in broad daylight. Three big black SUV surrounded his car, forced him to stop and took him away. It was like in a movie. What happened there God? 

Unfortunately it is still instinctive for me to ask "why God?" when something lousy happens. I avoid looking at pictures or articles on childhood cancer. But a few days ago, I came across a picture of a couple crying as they held on to their child who had just died. The child was probably no more than 2 years old.  Childhood cancer devastates the soul. I quickly scrolled away but I did catch myself ask "why God?"

In this season of Lent, I am reminded that as Jesus took his last breath on the cross, He gave words to situations where we face our deepest anguishes,"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" I am reminded that although I do not know God's mind nor His plans, I do know that He suffered greatly for me. I must remember that He didn't come to sell me a prosperity gospel. He showed us what suffering could be like - that it is real, that is it difficult to bear, that there will be disappointments and that we will ask why. 

When we take a hard look at the road marked with suffering, we will see His footprints. You will see that He was and is walking on the same side of the road with you. You will see that He fell many times on the road to Calvary. You will see that every time He fell, He got up and He carried on because He had to lead the way on the road of suffering. God is closer than ever to those who are in the midst of suffering, whether I remember it or not. 

Taekwondo

This is the younger kids' second Taekwondo class. They finally started last Saturday after more than a year of negotiations.  It took quite a bit of persuasion. My son is often apprehensive of classes and the idea of fighting with someone other than his sister. My daughter was quite keen to follow in her eldest brother's footstep. She performs her own TKD-like moves and this has been on the increase recently as she has been watching Power Rangers videos on Youtube.  Her only condition for attending TKD classes was if her Koh Koh goes with her. 

One morning as I was walking my second son to school, I told him about his sister's interest in TKD and her condition for attending classes. I explained to him that it was important for both of them to learn self-defence. He remained quite adamant. So I threw in the offer of an extra hour of ipad in the weekends, which left him defenceless. The deal was sealed and we agrees to start after Chinese New Year.

Not quite sure what got into my daughter but she also decided to start swimming classes as well. So last Saturday was an exciting weekend of firsts for her. She enjoyed her swimming lesson and made new friends. She was looking forward to a similarly enjoyable time at the TKD class in the evening. My son on the other hand was looking rather worried about the prospect of sparring with someone. Whilst his sister was running around and hopping on the exercise mats laid on the TKD hall, he stood there quietly. When the class started, the instructor came to introduce herself to the kids. Just at that point, my daugther became anxious and started to cry. You can never be certain with kids and I wasn't sure what to do. My quiet son came to the rescue. Holding her hands he said "Come on Mei, lets go". And that made all the difference. She followed him and everything else went smoothly. And they both enjoyed themselves.

Siblings have a way of influencing each other that sometimes parents can't. My eldest son's 10 year journey with TKD have rubbed off on his sister. Her enthusiasm got us to class, and his second brother gave her the confidence to stick to her decision.

Weekday Routines

On weekdays, I wake up by 6.20am. 10 minutes for me to brush my teeth and get the 2 younger kids' water bottles and school snacks ready. At 6.30am, I will wake my second son up, which usually takes quite a bit of persuasion. I often end up having to nudge his leg off the side of the bed and get him to sit up whilst his eyes are still closed. With my support we would stand up and walk towards the living room. He is far too heavy to be carried, certainly not with my weak back.

I used to change him into his school uniform whilst he is still half asleep but starting this year he changes himself. I would turn on the TV to keep him awake. I give him his cup of fresh milk, his first of 5 in a day. His eyes would be glued to the TV until I get him to brush his teeth at 6.50am. After than we will set off to school. It is a 15 minutes walk there and another 10 minutes back. When I get home, I have a quick bite, take a shower and prepare for work whilst my wife gets my daughter ready for kindie. She too goes through the same routine but it take longer. She also needs to brush her hair. I drop her off at the kindie on my way to work. 

Parenthood comes with a lot of routines, often executed in quick succession. When we plan, we consider what we need to do for the kids and how we can workaround the things we need to do for ourselves. When we have it all figured out, we work backwards to determine how early we have to wake up or how late we have to stay up. And then there are routines that aren't routines at all - reminding the kids to chew during meal times, staying focused when they are doing homework or clearing the toys after play time. There is nothing predictable when it comes to these tasks, so I leave them to my wife.

Hidden in these daily routines are gems - small but priceless, requiring effort, but well worth it. The way they lean on me when they are half-asleep, the conversations on the way to school, the hugs and kisses when we say our goodbyes at school. When I get lost in the routine, I have to remember that routines can't be that routine if I get to be with them. Routines aren't routines because they don't last forever either. So let's continue with the routines just until you are old enough to do things on your own.

The Final Scan Results

After many months of uncertainties, medical procedures, chemo, rashes and many other inconveniences, the day finally came for my PET/CT scan results. I got to the onco clinic slightly early but the appointment before mine was overrunning. I decided to look through the Facebook posts of my recent holiday to the UK to distract myself. Always good to be reminded of the good times in moments like this. And thankfully I had posted quite a few photos of the holiday to last me through the waiting time. 

The earlier appointment finally ended and I could hear the doctor speaking to the patient as they were walking towards the reception. I said to myself "oh here we go", bracing myself. If I were on a plane I ought to be adopting the brace position. Turns out the young couple waiting at the reception were next. So I went back to the Facebook posts and then later to my Instagram account to hashtag some of my posts. If I didn't have a good use for social media apps before, I had it now. Hashtag away...

Finally my turn came. The doctor looked through the blood test results and mentioned that my white blood count was still relatively low despite having completed the last cycle of chemo 2 months ago. I will have to be mindful to stay away from the raw fish now that we are in the Chinese New Year Yee Sang season. Then he realised that he needed my scans so he left me in his office for about 5 minutes as he searched for them. I went back to my Instagram account. When he returned, he said that the scans show that I need to visit the dentist as I have an infected tooth. Part of the gums at the back of my mouth were swollen when I was in the UK recently and I am still recovering from it. Other than that, all the hot spots have disappeared and I am in full remission. Thanks God for the good outcome.

We did a farmstay in Devon 2 weeks ago when we were in the UK. On the last day we visited the beautiful beaches in Woolacombe and Croyde. After a wonderful lunch at The Thatch in Croyde, recommended by 2 friends, we went back to Woolacombe because the 2 younger kids wanted to play at the beach a little more. They had a lot of fun trying to get as close as possible to the water without getting their shoes wet. They would run back screaming in excitement when there was a big wave. By 4pm, the sun was setting and it was getting colder. I called out to them "Come on kids, it's time to go". And as I did that, I suddenly felt a bit emotional; after a wonderful day, it is time to go. 

I thank God, that there is still time for me to enjoy all that He has given me. The sun is still up and my Father is happy to see me play. There comes a time when God calls us back to be by His side. Until then, we give thanks for this most wonderful and mysterious gift of life.

I also would like to thank everyone who has been journeying with me. I truly appreciate your thoughts, prayers and friendship. Do continue to uphold me in prayers.

In almost everything that touches our everyday life on earth, God is pleased when we’re pleased. He wills that we be as free as birds to soar and sing our maker’s praise without anxiety. ~ A.W. Tozer

Hunger Pangs

I am feeling really hungry. 6 months ago, breakfast would be the furthest thing from my mind. There are so many articles out there about the importance of breakfast and many people would tell me the same thing. Just 2 days ago I saw an article that debunks this view so I guess the debate is still out there. But breakfast wasn't something that came naturally to me. I remember when I was in primary school, I had to gulp Milo with each bite of the bread to wash it down. But I did enjoy the half-boiled eggs with soya sauce and white pepper - I never remembered this bit until now.

When I started chemo last year, I made myself eat breakfast because an empty stomach made me dizzy and exacerbated the nausea. Since then, breakfast has become a routine for me and something that I look forward to. I get hungry if I don't have it. I won't be able to manage a hearty Full English Breakfast or the full-on high carb Asian breakfast. It is often something light for a quick munch. I remember many years ago when I stayed in a staff dormitory during a training trip in Tokyo and they served rice with several dishes for breakfast.  Japanese generosity wasted on me. 

I am hungry, and now very cold, because I have to fast for this morning's PET/CT scan. As part of the procedure, they just gave me some medication that induces peeing. Hungry, cold and feel like peeing - my combi today. I only needed to fast for 6 hours but I slept quite early yesterday night after a full day at work fighting jet lag. The preparation for the scan and the scan itself will take a few hours. By the time I am done here I can probably eat 2 portions of lunch.

The upside is that the hunger and thinking about what to eat for lunch later take the mind off the scan results. I thought about the scan occasionally during the holidays and a bit more since I got home. Yesterday I ask myself why I thought about today since the scan results are only going to be out tomorrow. Actually it is quite pointless thinking about it all; it doesn't change the outcome a single bit. Fear can be irrational.

Thinking about what I am going to eat after a test or a procedure, on the other hand, is something that changes what the day is going to be like.

Rogue One

We were probably the last few remaining fans who have yet to watch Rogue One. So we decided to do it yesterday. The 5.45pm show at Clementi 123. It gave us a good reason to wake up from our jet lag induced afternoon nap, which was long and heavy. If I hadn't made an advanced booking, we would have slept until 7pm, especially because it was raining. Going for the movie may just help the kids get over the jet lag in time for the start of the school term this week.  It is now 4.45am. Whilst I am wide awake, everyone else is still sleeping and I suspect will sleep through until 7am. (Spoke too soon, they woke up at 5.30am)

So Rogue One is Star Wars 3.5.  The Dark side recaptured a man whom it thought was crucial to the completion of the Death Star, a weapon that destroys entire planets. If you didn't think global warming was happening quick enough, the Death Star was for you. This man figured that the best way out was to play along and complete the Death Star but to build in a vulnerability at its core. The rest of the movie was about how he secretly transmits a hologram message to his long lost daughter to tell her where the Death Star blueprint is stored. She then leads a group of rebels to retrieve this blueprint. 

My daughter was still drifting in and out of sleep before the movie started. She is somewhat interested in Star Wars but not a hardcore fan. So I was surprised that she kept awake throughout the movie. She had lots of questions "Are those Stormtroppers?"  "Where is Darth Vader?" When he finally appeared she asked "How did he choke the man in white?" I didn't know how to explain it to her but minutes later she concluded that "he used the force". We would have had popcorn thrown at us or be subjected of Star Wars fans' hissing if not for the fact that the movie hall was almost empty. 

I enjoyed the movie but I found myself clinging on to the old Star Wars characters. I too wondered when Darth Vader was going to appear. I was like a little kid when C3PO and R2D2 made their cameo appearances. There was that bitter sweet moment at the end when Princess Leia appeared. It is ironic, but that was a great way to remember the late Carrie Fisher. The light saber was distinctly missing, I think. Donnie Yen's character was enigmatic but he is clearly not coming back, unless they do a prequel to this prequel, maybe to explain how he became blind and why he is always chanting.

What I thought the movie did best was to create public awareness about information security. The importance of preventing data leakages, system vulnerabilities, the importance of firewalls if you don't have force fields, how real hacking is. The argument that sufficient physical security mitigates the risk of not encrypting data-at-rest is now up for challenge. Sure worked on me - although I am not a technologist, I have a whole new level of appreciation for Information Security. Now I have a screen-life example of galactic proportions to draw on. Apologies if this is a spoiler for those who intent to watch the movie but haven't got round to it yet. I may have just double-spoilt it for you now.

Back home for the New Year

After being away for 20 days, we finally got home yesterday. The 13+ hours flight didn't seem that long as I had learnt how to arrange the way the younger kids should sleep when we were flying to the UK. That meant that they slept well and I was in less discomfort. Nevertheless, everyone was a bit dazed when we landed. A big holiday is over, how do you deal with it? 

When we were in the maxi-cab, my wife played pretend with the younger kids that we were on our way to our next holiday accommodation. A place with a swimming pool to enjoy the warm sunny weather in Singapore. We were greeted with lots of Christmas presents on the dining table from my sister-in-law, who has been coming over to care for my son's aquarium. She also got us some emergency food - banana, milk for my younger kids who can't sleep without it, peanut butter and bread. This holiday apartment is looking very promising. My wife ordered room service via Deliveroo but reality sunk in when the in-house laundry service was, well really in-house. No escaping. 

I managed to get the kids to bed my 12am and caught some sleep myself. But at 2.30am we found ourselves wide awake. My eldest son who avoided sleeping on the flight with the intention of minimising jet lag discovered that it isn't as simple as that. No point fighting it, so I got the kids something to eat and they played with the Lego sets they got for Christmas. I organised the holiday photos so that it would be easier to  work on the photobook later. We all went back to bed at about 6am. We have been operating perfectly the rest of the day, on London time.

The extent to which we have to re-adapt to our daily lives is a pretty good measure of how awesome the holiday was. I have so much to be thankful for in 2016 but I would like to remember how we finished the year, being together as a family trying out new things. This year had its ups and, wow it sure had its downs, but we ended the year on a jubilant note.  The last thing we did before we caught our flight out of London was watching The Railway Children at the King's Cross Theatre. It was phenomenal West-end style story telling. A story told by 3 children who had to move from London to the countryside with their mother as their father was imprisoned for something that he was wrongly accused of. In their ups and downs, the children had some of the fondest childhood memories. 

My wish for everyone is that you that make the year ahead a wonderful one. God bless you and your family. Happy 2017!

Blessed Christmas

It's great to be in London after 12 days in the countryside. The city-dweller in me was starting to resurface. There was yearning for a shower with strong water pressure and reliable wifi signals. And the Singaporean in us needed to satisfy the craving for dim sum, fried rice and noodle soup. So first things first, we had dinner at Bo Fa Garden in County Hall. It was my first meal of fish without beer batter and chips. They gave us white rice in a mini-barrel, and we finished it. So we finished a whole barrel of rice literally speaking.

London is noticeably preparing for the arrival of Christmas. Last minute shoppers, many people with hand luggages at the train stations, notices at various retail stores reminding customers of shorter operating hours and closure during the public holidays. Many of the museums were closed today. Bracing ourselves for a shut down in London over the next two days, we stocked up on bottled drinking water and fresh milk for the younger kids. I am thankful to the helpful staff at the Marriott for reassuring us that we will be well taken care of.  Being away from home for Christmas is clearly making me melodramatic. 

Tonight is Christmas Eve and I am reminded of Mary and Josephs journey from their hometown to Bethlehem. Arriving there after a long trip, there was no more room, never mind bottled drinking water or milk. And the baby, when he arrived, was placed in a manger. Almost all Nativity scenes depict a place filled with fluffy dry odourless hay surrounding the manger. Our recently farmstay in Devon suggests that that is probably the furthest from the truth. I am reminded of how God was so determined to dwell amongst us that He would settle for a manger.

This evening, I attended the Christmas Eve evening service at St Margaret's Church at Westminster Abbey. The pastor delivering the sermon spoke about the different forms of darkness that we encounter in our lives - whether it is the terrorism or humanitarian disasters around the world, or dealing with illness or facing broken relationships. And she reminded the congregation of the great light that has come into the world. This light, which is the glory of God, overcomes all darkness no matter how the circumstances appears to us. I thank you Jesus for coming to dwell amongst us, despite all the inconveniences and much more. "Born that man no more may die. Born to raise the sons of earth. Born to give them second birth"

A blessed Christmas to you and your family. May God's presence dwell with you.

9 The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

~ John 1:9-14

Instagram

I read an article several weeks back about Instagramers who delete posts that do not receive enough likes. Apparently this is how some users manage their popularity, or at least the perception if their popularity. The tell tale sign is an account with very few posts that received many likes. And then, just like any other users, I see the statistics of my account followers fluctuate. This is where some menacing users follow you with the hope that you would reciprocate. And whether you do or not, they would unfollow you a couple of days later. It is somewhat troubling to think how shallow people can get on Instagram.

I, on the other hand, have a much deeper appreciation of Instagram. When I first started using it, I was unsure what I would use it for. I mean how would it be different from the way I use Facebook? I am someone who needs to set ground rules and principles before I start on something. Confusion confuses me. I eventually decided that my Instagram account would be for photos where people are not the subject. They would be photos that I would not want to bomb my Facebook account with. For instance, photo of a coffee cup would go onto Instagram. Facebook photos are for keeping in touch with our extended family and friends and coffee cups don't build relationships, or do they?

Serious users tend to have a specific theme for each of their accounts. I like everything in one place and was too lazy to set up different accounts. Besides it gets a bit dull to have an account just about one thing. So the theme of my account is "A closer look at my surrounding". Can't get any more specific than that can you? 

Being on holiday gets me in an Instagram frenzy as there are many things in my surrounding that requires a closer look. Everywhere I look are things that I need to feed "my precious". That watering can, that duck, that windmill, that cake... It came to a point this week where I hit some built-in limit or trigger on the app and my account was suspended for 24 hours, twice over. Other users can see what I uploaded but it would not be saved on my homepage. I couldn't believe my eyes so I looked it up on goggle. Apparently it is a mechanism to prevent malicious virus or codes from spamming the system. Me? Spamming on Instagram? Never. I visited Cirencester and there were lots of stuff in my surrounding which required a closer look.

So if you have been following my Instagram account, you would have noticed a siesta. And I am loading photos from a few days back and at a much slower rate. It's my 3rd day in Devon and I am just now loading the photos of Bath. Duh!!!

Unplanned Visit

The Cotswolds was picture perfect. Although its quintessential English gardens are in deep hibernation during this time of the year, its Christmas charm is in full bloom. Christmas trees and decorations, lights up on the high-streets by 4pm, warm and cosy restaurants and pubs inviting passersby to get out of the wintry cold. Low season for tourists means less crowds and more parking spaces available, which are big pluses for a family with young children. 

I had planned a drivearound of the upper Cotswolds on our first day. We visited The Slaughters, Stow-on-the-Wold and had brunch in Moreton-in-Marsh. The plan was that we would continue on to Chipping Norton, Chipping Campden and beyond. But during our drive we saw roadsigns displaying the distance to Coventry and Warwick. My wife suggested that we visit University of Warwick, where we both studied more than 20 years ago.  I was surprised that the kids were keen on the idea. I didn't have any trouble pulling out the University's postcode from my sub-conscience to key into the GPS. CV4 7AL.

It was surreal to be back at the University with our 3 kids. A number of new buildings have come up on campus since our graduation but many things look just the same. We visited the Social Studies building, which can be a confusing maze for the uninitiated. We showed the kids the lounge where we had cucumber or tomato and cheese sandwiches in between lectures. I pointed out the area where there used to be pigeonholes, the system of communication before emails came along. 

I took them for a quick tour of the Arts Centre, Tocil Lake to feed the ducks and the two halls of residences which we were housed in our Year 1. I was in International House, which had a good mix of international students. My wife was in Jack Martins, the only en-suite accommodating on campus at that time. After the campus tour, we drove to nearby Canley to look at my wife's hardship accommodation in Year 2.

20+ years flew by, just like that, in a blink of an eye. Through life's ups and downs, there is so much to thank God for.  The visit reminds us of how far we have come. This unplanned trip was a highlight during our visit to The Cotswolds.

Wyck Rissington

We spent the whole of yesterday on the road again. 3 hours of driving in the dark from Glencoe back to Inverness. We took the 12.30pm flight to London and headed out to The Cotswolds. M40 was slightly congested but nothing compared to when we got onto the stretch of A40 from Oxford to Cheltenham. Why would there be a traffic standstill at 4pm on a Thursday in The Cotswolds? Is there some Christmas antique auction happening somewhere that we were not aware of? Well, there is a simpler explanation to this - Roundabouts. The A40 is generously planted with roundabouts. Talk about disruptive technology!

And so we arrived at the little village of Wyck Rissington. Yes my Singaporean phonics based English pronunciation fails me in this quaint part of England. In the dark, I sensed that there is only one road traversing this village. We must have made up the entire winter traffic passing through this village as we drove up and down, and up and down, in the rain to find the cottage we booked. It doesn't help that some houses have names instead of numbers. And where there were numbers they didn't seem to run in sequence.  Why did I not learn from the experience in Scotland? Just call the owner.

Even in the dark, you could tell that this is going to be a warm homely cottage. In the garden, we were greeted by an apple tree. My wife joked about making apple pies. Climbers growing on the exterior walls. On the inside is what you would want when you come in from a long day of driving in the dark cold raining English winter. If you are Instagram crazy, you would go Instagram crazy. Probably the only thing missing is a dog and a cat, in that order of priority, and maybe sheep on the lawn. I will be giving some feedback to the owner. 

I am tearing my hair out trying to plan what we do the next couple of days. So many villages but so little time. Completely defeats the purpose of wanting to be here in the first place, to chill. When I asked someone whether it was worth visiting The Cotswolds in the winter, the person wanted to manage my expectation. The gardens would not be blooming at this time of the year, so the person said that people take long lunches during winter. Well, to warm up over a wood fire over a long lunch is a pretty good way to chill, even if it is a bit ironic. But from what we saw when we passed through one of the villages yesterday night, I suspect The Cotswolds would be out in its Christmas best. 

Glen Etive

We set out for Glen Etive at 8am yesterday morning when it was bright enough to drive. Glen is the Gaelic word for valley. The stretch of A82 that connects Glencoe to Glen Etive and beyond in simply stunning.  The mountains on both sides of the valley road were lifting their praises to the Ancient One and I could feel my heart singing along. It is like the feeling I get when I enter a cathedral.

We spotted the Lagangarbh Hut and made our first stop.  The iconic white hut sits like a toy Monopoly house at the base of the imposing Buachaille Etive Mor. It is owned by the the National Trust for Scotland and maintained by the Scottish Mountaineering Club. We followed the path down to the footbridge over River Coupall, an easy 10 minutes walk. This is about as much "trekking" we will be doing in the UK. We stood there to take in the sights, sounds, the cold and the wind. 

Further down the A82, we turned right toward Glen Etive. Although there were 2 signs along the main road, I missed the turn. Fortunately my eldest son who was the navigator alerted me and we did a U-turn. The single track road runs along one side of River Etive. We made photo stops at some of the waterfalls and river pools. Although I was driving a 7-seater Hyundai, which hardly resembles an Astin Martin, it wasn't difficult to imagine that we were part of the Highlands scene in Skyfall. This is where M steps out of the car and ask James Bond "Is this where you grew up?" You would think that as the head of MI5 she would have known the answer. Or did Judy Dench forget her lines?

As we drove on, I told the kids that they should look out for deers, but I wasn't entirely sure we would. What we did see were a pair of white ponies that looked like they came straight out of My Little Pony. They had long manes that covered one side of their faces. They looked like unicorns missing their horns. We played a word game where the kids come up with words to describe what they saw. They come up with "white", "long hair", "beautiful" and "cute" for the ponies. As we drove on we were busy chatting, when suddenly Mei Mei exclaimed "deer".  I didn't really hear what she said but it created such noisy excitement in the car. I stopped the car and there it was a deer. My wife described it as "majestic". 

The drive ends at Loch Etive, somewhat abruptly. Although the lake, flanked by mountain, was a dramatic view, it leaves you with the feeling that you want more. However, the trek from the parking area would not have met our 20-minutes loop requirement.

Getting There

I can't remember ever being so exhausted. Full day of work on Friday, got home to get ready for the  flight to London, the 14 hours on the plane with poor sleep, 3 hours of transit time in Heathrow, 1.5 hours flight to Invesness, 3 hours drive to Glencoe and then finally getting the family settled in the holiday cottage. This is the first time I haven't suffered from jetlag after a flight into the UK. I woke up every 2-3 hours but managed to fall back to sleep almost immediately. 

We had difficulty finding the Airbnb cottage when we got to Glencoe. A combination of not having an offline copy of the instructions from the host, poor signals on the phone that was about to run out of battery, the GPS that was only able to bring us to the town centre. My poor logistics basically. I was getting worried because it was 4pm and nightfall was 1/2 an hour away. Some of you know this - I have this childhood phobia of not getting home before night fall. I resorted to calling the host, something which I should have done earlier. 

At 5pm it was all dark outside the cottage. You could hear the river at the back but it was pitch black. Not all phobias are irrational. Dinner was already soughted out. We had to get some groceries at Morrisons when we were passing through Fort Williams. The kids were hungry because it was way pass their Singapore dinner time. My wife rejoiced when she say McDonald's, so we did the Drive Thru. Our first family meal in Scotland was Scottish, namesake at least. 

I hadn't really planned out the itinerary for our stay in Glencoe. Well, aside from planning the 4 towns or city we were going to be based during the course of our stay in the UK, I have left everything flexible. There are frequent questions from my wife and kids about where we are going the next day or how long the trip will take. My response is always honest - I don't know and it will probably take 2-3 hours, as is the case when you don't know where you are going. When I got up early this morning, I looked at the phamplets available in the cottage and decided that we should head out to Glen Etive. It should take 2-3 hours is my guess.

Praise the Lord we got here!

Let ev'rything that, ev'rything that

Ev'rything that has breath praise the Lord

Let ev'rything that, ev'rything that

Ev'rything that has breath praise the Lord

Praise You in the morning, praise You in the evening

Praise You when I'm young and when I'm old

Praise You when I'm laughing, praise You with I'm grieving

Praise You ev'ry season of the soul

If we could see how much You're worth

Your power, Your might, Your endless love

Then surely we would never cease to praise

Praise You in the heavens, joining with the angels

Praising You forever and a day

Praise You on the earth now, joining with creation

Calling all the nations to Your praise

~ Everything that has Breath, Matt Redman