A Year On

So it has been exactly a year since I found out that I had lymphoma. A year of many firsts - PET/CT scans, bone marrow biopsy, chemotherapy, booster jabs, face masks, nausea, insomnia, rashes, low white blood count, TCM, lots of delays. There were many worried people, tremendous support and good advice. I managed to slot in holidays with my family to Bali, Maldives, the UK, and to KL for Chinese New Year - life is too short to be stuck at home with nowhere to go. It is important to create lasting memories more than ever before. I am thankful for getting through the year still intact. 

Taking one step at a time has been helpful. I have mentioned this before, the doctors are very good at giving you enough information to take the next positive step rather than downloading everything to scare you away. They nudge you to give yourself the best chance despite the many unknowns. I am in the habit of wanting to know how my future would unfold, and uncomfortable with the idea that life does not take a upward trajectory at all times. I am used to dictating how life ought to be - that it should all be good, and if it is bad, it is bad on my own terms. But in reality, you don't get to know the future unless you take the next step. And when you do, you have enough information to take yet another step. 

Facing cancer can be isolating if you allow yourself to feel that way. You need to quickly get over the feeling that you are inferior, unlucky or that God had brought you this far to abandon you. You need to keep calm so that you won't lose sight of the wonderful people around you. And you have to be certain that with Jesus, death has lost its sting. Take each step as it comes, and the weeks will pass, and the months will also pass. It can feel extremely slow at times, so you need family and friends. Eventually, even the year will pass.