Wobbliness

I have been up since 4am. Insomnia from the last 2 days of chemo. At 11pm yesterday, my wife asked me why I hadn't slept even though I looked like I was straining to keep my eyes opened. I explained that I wanted to be completely knocked out to avoid waking up at 3am. The outcomes of sleeping at midnight clearly didn't work out as planned. I decided to watch a YouTube series that I have been following recently. They were about people from the Jewish faith accepting Jesus as their Messiah after they discovered that the New Testament is a fulfilment of the Old Testament, and that Jesus and his disciples were Jewish, not Catholics.

At 5am my second son was woken up by the storm and decided to come join me in my state of awakeness. This last few days I have been thinking about the episode from the Bible about Peter trying to walk on water in the midst of a storm. So what a better time to watch a YouTube video of that scene from a movie with my son. We did just that. He said he knows the story, and wasn't entirely impressed with the video maybe because most of your standard comic superheroes could probably do the same and without eventually sinking like Peter.

I, on the other hand, was moved even though I have seen it before, and appreciate the stuff that the X-Men can do on water or otherwise. I am not a superhero and I see a Peter in all of us - someone who was at times impulsive, in the moment, letting his heart race ahead of his mind. In the middle of a storm at sea, sometime between 3am to 6 am, when he saw Jesus walking on water towards the boat where he and the rest of the disciples were fearing for their lives, this happened:

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:28-32)

And this was one of the many times in his journey with Jesus which he fell short. He fell asleep when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane just before Jesus was arrested, and then he cut the ear off a servant of the high priest during the arrest. He later denied knowing Jesus 3 times before the rooster crowed just as Jesus had predicted. In despair, he went back to being a fisherman.

Walking on water is wobbly business. I talked to a couple of friends about this in the last few days and they agree. But there is a beautiful ending to Peter's story if we read on in the New Testament. In deep despair and doubt, Jesus meets us every time. And at some point hopefully, like Peter, our little faith grows to displace our destabilising doubts. 

I strive to look beyond the wobbly waters and enjoy the thrill of getting out of the boat to walk on water.



Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God ~ Hebrews 12: 1- 2