The New Normal

I finished the 4th cycle of chemo today. This means I have passed the halfway mark for my treatment. It is time to revisit what normalcy ought to be when I am finally done with the treatment in October.  I first wrote about this in mid-June. It has taken me so long to muse about this during the treatment. I worry whether I will brush aside the idea of a new normal if I don't make a commitment and put it into practise before I finish my treatment. 

At a fellowship that I went to at the beginning of the treatment a friend reminded me that this disease is not from God. This is not his way to rein me in, it is not his leash. Genes, predispositions, environmental hazards, choices in life conscious or subconscious, all of these are like that pot of water slowly put to boil and I am that human frog. But God takes captive of such situations and gives us the opportunity to work with Him to turn it into something good. I have experienced this in the past so I know this to be true.  Ironically when things get better, we can end up forgetting all the important disciplines that got us back on our feet. We put our foot back on the paddle and accelerate on our human pursuits. Nothing wrong with human pursuits, we do it for noble reasons, but we can lose sight of the big picture in life.

I believe the biggest part of the new normal for me will have to be about claiming back unproductive time and to spend it in communion with God. Turning the stresses, worries, indignation and disbelieves into conversations with God. Less time on the mobile phone and more time meditating on the truths from the author of life to replace the distorted worldview which has built a stronghold in my head. This is less of a human pursuit and more of a human posture in God's presence. Seems like a shortcut, but it may be a good idea to take this as the first step and let His wisdom guide me on what the rest of the new normal looks like.

All set.

Setiap hari ku, Mohon agar Kau sentiasa
Memberiku ketenangan, Dalam hati... kekuatan
Menempuh segala dugaan yang mencabar ini
Pasti punya retinue

Engkau beriku harapan, Menjawab segala persoalan
Hadapi semua dalam tenang, Dengan merasa kesyukuran
Ku doa Kau selalu, Mengawasai gerak-geriku
Berkatilah ku perlu rahmat dari Mu

Oh Tuhan terangkan hati dalam sanubariku
Untuk menempuhi segala hidup penuh cabaran ini
Oh Tuhan ku berserah segalanya kepadaMu
Agar jiwaku tenang dengan bimbingan Mu selalu

Ada kalanya ku merasa hidup ini seperti kaca
Jikalau tidak bersabar, Hancur berderailah akhirnya
Tabahkanlah hatiku, Melalui semua itu ooh... 
Kuatkanlah,Cekalkanlah diriku

~ Ku Mohon
Lyrics: Mac Chew/ Sheila Majid