Holding On

His mercies, they are new every morning 

During worship at this morning's church service, one of the songs we sang was "Hold on to me" by Planetshakers. As we sang the song, I thought about one of my cousin sisters. Several months before, she had a car accident because her vision was impaired when she was behind the wheels. Follow up with the doctors indicated that she had a brain tumour. She had an operation to remove the tumour but the cancer came back soon after. The condition eventually led to a coma. She passed away on the first day of Chinese New Year this February. I thought about her because she journeyed with Jesus though many years and held on to Him in the face of death. I thought of her because she knew who she belonged to and was confident that God was with her no matter what the outcome.

She is a cousin from my father's side of the family. She would arrange for her siblings and their families to visit us each Chinese New Year when my father was still around. That would be the one time in the year when I got to hear my father speak Hakka. She exuded kindness and thoughtfulness. After my father passed away, she continued to maintained contact with us. She became a first time grandmother last year. No doubt a very proud moment for, especially because she had to raise her two kids by herself after her husband passed away.

She was one of two faithful Christians whom I know who fought a good fight against the ravages of cancer and went home to be with the Lord in the recent months. Both whose characters demonstrated that Jesus was the Lord over their lives. Both who remembered His words recorded in the Gospel of John:

9 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. ~ John 10: 9 - 10 (NIV)

In their struggle, they believed that God is always good. There is one that comes to steal, kill and destroy, to undermine our trust in God. But Jesus showed us that none of this is permanent because He has overcome death. These two persons have entered the gate and knew that their lives were safe in God's hands. Even as their physical bodies failed them, even as they were losing strength, they prayed to Jesus to hold on to them, and never let them go.

I thank God for these two lives who pointed others to Jesus in their suffering and passing on. They leave a godly legacy for those that they leave behind.

Hold on to me sweet Jesus

Never let me go

Never let me go

Never let me go

(Hold on to me, Planetshakers)

Enlistment Day

My son was enlisted on Monday.  Almost a week, and I have found it much harder than I had expected. This is odd, because he is going to be back at the end of the month for a couple of days. After that, he gets to come home every weekend. It wasn't like he was studying overseas for a couple of years. This is odd, because I didn't see that much of him even before he was enlisted either. Every Singaporean family with a son goes through this, and there are also girls who sign up for National Service, so this is the norm. What is it that has made this difficult for me?

We went to Pulau Tekong with him on Monday. Coincidentally the younger kids had a day off in-lieu of the school carnival on Saturday. His aunt took the day off. His grandmother couldn't go because it would have been too much walking for her. We met her for lunch after the school carnival so that my son could say good-bye to her. When we arrived on the island, we were not quite sure when we would say our last good-bye to him. Visitors were directed to the buses to take us to their dormitory and the enlistees were directed to another building. I gave him a hug in case we didn't get a chance to later.

The island was more built up than I had imagined. It was like a university campus on an island 15 minutes away from the mainland ferry terminal. The visitors tour took us to the dormitories which looked like HDB blocks. The dorm rooms were spacious and clean. One of my friends commented on my Instagram post that these days the mattresses were so thick. They showed us exhibits and videos of what the training was going to be like and my second son said he wanted to join the army too. After the walkabout, we went to an auditorium where we were briefed on the training framework, key dates, key contacts and lots of assurances that the enlistees were in good hands. He was there, together with the rest of the enlistees, to take their Oath. We say each other but I wasn't sure if he was allowed to speak to civilians.

After the Oath taking, the enlistees stood in attention outside the auditorium waiting to bring their guests  the Food Hall (sounded like Harrods in London). So we got to sit down for a meal. It was so much like his first day in school when he was 6+. We left him with the people in charge and they quickly got on with what they needed to do. We only got to see him during his recess to get some reassurance that he was doing okay. We probably had about 20 minutes at the Food Hall when suddenly the enlistees were asked to say their good-byes. My son had to make his way through the crowd to return his food tray and come back for his things. And in the rush, my wife managed to give him a hug. We then saw him in a line with fellow enlistees before they marched off. My second son took out his little blue handkerchief to waive good-bye to him. I wonder where he got that idea.

Perhaps it was because we all didn't get a chance to say the perfect good-bye. Perhaps it is because when you've grown accustom to someone, you have a need to see them everyday, even if it is just for a minute. Perhaps I am still trying to hold on to the little baby that was my only son for 9 years. Perhaps I am coming to terms with the fact that is just how life is - you give it your best and you let go. Perhaps it is all of the above. 

In this world, we get to experience the depth of God's love through the people and the relationships He gives us. This love never leaves us.

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord ~ Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)