Weekday Routines

On weekdays, I wake up by 6.20am. 10 minutes for me to brush my teeth and get the 2 younger kids' water bottles and school snacks ready. At 6.30am, I will wake my second son up, which usually takes quite a bit of persuasion. I often end up having to nudge his leg off the side of the bed and get him to sit up whilst his eyes are still closed. With my support we would stand up and walk towards the living room. He is far too heavy to be carried, certainly not with my weak back.

I used to change him into his school uniform whilst he is still half asleep but starting this year he changes himself. I would turn on the TV to keep him awake. I give him his cup of fresh milk, his first of 5 in a day. His eyes would be glued to the TV until I get him to brush his teeth at 6.50am. After than we will set off to school. It is a 15 minutes walk there and another 10 minutes back. When I get home, I have a quick bite, take a shower and prepare for work whilst my wife gets my daughter ready for kindie. She too goes through the same routine but it take longer. She also needs to brush her hair. I drop her off at the kindie on my way to work. 

Parenthood comes with a lot of routines, often executed in quick succession. When we plan, we consider what we need to do for the kids and how we can workaround the things we need to do for ourselves. When we have it all figured out, we work backwards to determine how early we have to wake up or how late we have to stay up. And then there are routines that aren't routines at all - reminding the kids to chew during meal times, staying focused when they are doing homework or clearing the toys after play time. There is nothing predictable when it comes to these tasks, so I leave them to my wife.

Hidden in these daily routines are gems - small but priceless, requiring effort, but well worth it. The way they lean on me when they are half-asleep, the conversations on the way to school, the hugs and kisses when we say our goodbyes at school. When I get lost in the routine, I have to remember that routines can't be that routine if I get to be with them. Routines aren't routines because they don't last forever either. So let's continue with the routines just until you are old enough to do things on your own.

The Final Scan Results

After many months of uncertainties, medical procedures, chemo, rashes and many other inconveniences, the day finally came for my PET/CT scan results. I got to the onco clinic slightly early but the appointment before mine was overrunning. I decided to look through the Facebook posts of my recent holiday to the UK to distract myself. Always good to be reminded of the good times in moments like this. And thankfully I had posted quite a few photos of the holiday to last me through the waiting time. 

The earlier appointment finally ended and I could hear the doctor speaking to the patient as they were walking towards the reception. I said to myself "oh here we go", bracing myself. If I were on a plane I ought to be adopting the brace position. Turns out the young couple waiting at the reception were next. So I went back to the Facebook posts and then later to my Instagram account to hashtag some of my posts. If I didn't have a good use for social media apps before, I had it now. Hashtag away...

Finally my turn came. The doctor looked through the blood test results and mentioned that my white blood count was still relatively low despite having completed the last cycle of chemo 2 months ago. I will have to be mindful to stay away from the raw fish now that we are in the Chinese New Year Yee Sang season. Then he realised that he needed my scans so he left me in his office for about 5 minutes as he searched for them. I went back to my Instagram account. When he returned, he said that the scans show that I need to visit the dentist as I have an infected tooth. Part of the gums at the back of my mouth were swollen when I was in the UK recently and I am still recovering from it. Other than that, all the hot spots have disappeared and I am in full remission. Thanks God for the good outcome.

We did a farmstay in Devon 2 weeks ago when we were in the UK. On the last day we visited the beautiful beaches in Woolacombe and Croyde. After a wonderful lunch at The Thatch in Croyde, recommended by 2 friends, we went back to Woolacombe because the 2 younger kids wanted to play at the beach a little more. They had a lot of fun trying to get as close as possible to the water without getting their shoes wet. They would run back screaming in excitement when there was a big wave. By 4pm, the sun was setting and it was getting colder. I called out to them "Come on kids, it's time to go". And as I did that, I suddenly felt a bit emotional; after a wonderful day, it is time to go. 

I thank God, that there is still time for me to enjoy all that He has given me. The sun is still up and my Father is happy to see me play. There comes a time when God calls us back to be by His side. Until then, we give thanks for this most wonderful and mysterious gift of life.

I also would like to thank everyone who has been journeying with me. I truly appreciate your thoughts, prayers and friendship. Do continue to uphold me in prayers.

In almost everything that touches our everyday life on earth, God is pleased when we’re pleased. He wills that we be as free as birds to soar and sing our maker’s praise without anxiety. ~ A.W. Tozer

Hunger Pangs

I am feeling really hungry. 6 months ago, breakfast would be the furthest thing from my mind. There are so many articles out there about the importance of breakfast and many people would tell me the same thing. Just 2 days ago I saw an article that debunks this view so I guess the debate is still out there. But breakfast wasn't something that came naturally to me. I remember when I was in primary school, I had to gulp Milo with each bite of the bread to wash it down. But I did enjoy the half-boiled eggs with soya sauce and white pepper - I never remembered this bit until now.

When I started chemo last year, I made myself eat breakfast because an empty stomach made me dizzy and exacerbated the nausea. Since then, breakfast has become a routine for me and something that I look forward to. I get hungry if I don't have it. I won't be able to manage a hearty Full English Breakfast or the full-on high carb Asian breakfast. It is often something light for a quick munch. I remember many years ago when I stayed in a staff dormitory during a training trip in Tokyo and they served rice with several dishes for breakfast.  Japanese generosity wasted on me. 

I am hungry, and now very cold, because I have to fast for this morning's PET/CT scan. As part of the procedure, they just gave me some medication that induces peeing. Hungry, cold and feel like peeing - my combi today. I only needed to fast for 6 hours but I slept quite early yesterday night after a full day at work fighting jet lag. The preparation for the scan and the scan itself will take a few hours. By the time I am done here I can probably eat 2 portions of lunch.

The upside is that the hunger and thinking about what to eat for lunch later take the mind off the scan results. I thought about the scan occasionally during the holidays and a bit more since I got home. Yesterday I ask myself why I thought about today since the scan results are only going to be out tomorrow. Actually it is quite pointless thinking about it all; it doesn't change the outcome a single bit. Fear can be irrational.

Thinking about what I am going to eat after a test or a procedure, on the other hand, is something that changes what the day is going to be like.

Rogue One

We were probably the last few remaining fans who have yet to watch Rogue One. So we decided to do it yesterday. The 5.45pm show at Clementi 123. It gave us a good reason to wake up from our jet lag induced afternoon nap, which was long and heavy. If I hadn't made an advanced booking, we would have slept until 7pm, especially because it was raining. Going for the movie may just help the kids get over the jet lag in time for the start of the school term this week.  It is now 4.45am. Whilst I am wide awake, everyone else is still sleeping and I suspect will sleep through until 7am. (Spoke too soon, they woke up at 5.30am)

So Rogue One is Star Wars 3.5.  The Dark side recaptured a man whom it thought was crucial to the completion of the Death Star, a weapon that destroys entire planets. If you didn't think global warming was happening quick enough, the Death Star was for you. This man figured that the best way out was to play along and complete the Death Star but to build in a vulnerability at its core. The rest of the movie was about how he secretly transmits a hologram message to his long lost daughter to tell her where the Death Star blueprint is stored. She then leads a group of rebels to retrieve this blueprint. 

My daughter was still drifting in and out of sleep before the movie started. She is somewhat interested in Star Wars but not a hardcore fan. So I was surprised that she kept awake throughout the movie. She had lots of questions "Are those Stormtroppers?"  "Where is Darth Vader?" When he finally appeared she asked "How did he choke the man in white?" I didn't know how to explain it to her but minutes later she concluded that "he used the force". We would have had popcorn thrown at us or be subjected of Star Wars fans' hissing if not for the fact that the movie hall was almost empty. 

I enjoyed the movie but I found myself clinging on to the old Star Wars characters. I too wondered when Darth Vader was going to appear. I was like a little kid when C3PO and R2D2 made their cameo appearances. There was that bitter sweet moment at the end when Princess Leia appeared. It is ironic, but that was a great way to remember the late Carrie Fisher. The light saber was distinctly missing, I think. Donnie Yen's character was enigmatic but he is clearly not coming back, unless they do a prequel to this prequel, maybe to explain how he became blind and why he is always chanting.

What I thought the movie did best was to create public awareness about information security. The importance of preventing data leakages, system vulnerabilities, the importance of firewalls if you don't have force fields, how real hacking is. The argument that sufficient physical security mitigates the risk of not encrypting data-at-rest is now up for challenge. Sure worked on me - although I am not a technologist, I have a whole new level of appreciation for Information Security. Now I have a screen-life example of galactic proportions to draw on. Apologies if this is a spoiler for those who intent to watch the movie but haven't got round to it yet. I may have just double-spoilt it for you now.