His Presence

The very last session of chemo this morning. It is odd. I have been so looking forward to finish the treatment and it got a bit frustrating on the occasions when it was delayed. Yet this past week, and especially this two days at the clinic, I feel circumspect. Not entirely sure if it is the right word. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that this is finally going to be over and I shall go out for a meal with my family to celebrate. I definitely did not form a psychotic attachment to chemo. As you probably know by now I get sentimental about a lot of things but not about this treatment for sure.

It is also not so much about what's next either. I do have to sit down and think about what further adjustments to make to my life. I don't have the chemo to kill the bad cells going forward and I also don't have to worry about not eating well enough to keep the blood count up. So I should be cutting back on the calories. I don't have to spoil myself as much after this treatment is over, so a stricter diet and going back on an exercise routine is going to be important. I will keep up with the family holidays for sure because that can only be a good thing!

I sat down at the dining area for a short meditation before I left for the clinic this morning. I closed my eyes, cleared my thoughts and took deep cleansing breaths. I did that for a few minutes. And then the song that we sang in the church service last Sunday came to mind - "You are Awesome in This Place". I am not great with lyrics so I just hummed the tune. After that, I left for the clinic. 

When I arrived at the clinic, and as the nurse was preparing to insert the intravenous needle, I felt I really needed to distract myself from the pain. I have really become a baby when it comes to needles these days. I searched for the song that I was humming at home on youtube and played it. It seemed to have worked, the needle prick wasn't half as painful today. I then checked my phone to see where the GBP exchange rate was this morning after the British High Court concluded that PM May could not trigger the formal Brexit process without Parliament's backing. The rate was so much higher! Then I saw the whatsapp message that my sister sent through. It was a poster with this quote:

"When you enter His presence with praise, He enters your circumstances with power"

An awesome revelation to my circumspection. I needed to take in the moment to remind myself that when we face adversity, we also enter into His presence in a very powerful way. When the possibility of death grips the mind, your Heavenly Father enfolds you.  

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. ~ 1 John 4:18

He speaks with clarity and in power when we don't know what to think about the road ahead. He strengthens you and makes you better even when you think that you are at your lowest point and these is no upside. And indeed there is very little upside to getting cancer. He reminds you of the eternal perspective. 

It is a privilege to enter His presence, to pass the gates of praise into His sanctuary. All by the grace offered by Christ Jesus who died for our sins.


As I come into Your presence

Pass the gates of praise
Into Your sanctuary
Til we're standing face to face
I look upon Your countenance
I see the fullness of your grace
I can only bow down and say... 

You are awesome in this place, Mighty God
You are awesome in this place, Abba Father
You are worthy of all praise
To You our lives we raise
You are awesome in this place, Mighty God
~ You are Awesome in this Place, Hillsong United