Recovery

Three weeks of discomfort, then a couple of days in the hospital, followed by a full week of home rest and daily hospital visits for IV antibiotics. The big day came last Wednesday when the catheter was meant to be removed. After carrying the urine bag around for more than a week, I was ready to have it removed. But at the same time, I was concerned that I may still have issues going to the toilet once it is removed. I also read that patients may experience urinary incontinence. I actually went to the pharmacy to get "pouches for weak bladder" (there doesn't seem to be a term for the product) ahead of the doctors appointment.

So the urologist explained the procedure. Before they remove the catheter, they will infuse (made it sound like an exotic fruit tea) me with saline to test if I can go to the toilet after the catheter is removed. The infusion was cold and woke up my bladder pretty quickly. I was meant to be infused with 300ml of saline but my bladder was already feeling very full at 150ml.  As a compromise, we agreed on 250ml - well what else could I do, I was lying down flat feeling pretty vulnerable. When it was time to take the catheter out, I was assured that it would not be anywhere as uncomfortable as when it was fitted in. Honestly, it is debatable. And the special instruction was to keep the saline in. I got through that somehow, and they gave me the measuring jug to empty my bladder. All 250ml came back out, so no blockages. And I also don't have urinary incontinence.

I am still on medication for several weeks more. A day after having the catheter removed, the doctors ran some tests and confirmed that the markers for inflammation and infection have come down significantly. That meant that I could switch from the daily IV to oral antibiotics. There will still be follow ups with the doctors and a scan in a couple of months to confirm that my prostate has fully recovered. The previous MRI showed that my prostate was twice the average volume which explains all the pain and discomfort I had experienced.

After close to a month of dealing with this issue, I felt a great sense of achievement to be able to go to the toilet. Honestly, we have to thank God for all the simplest things in life. Intricately stitched by the mighty hands of God, every part of us is a miracle. We are reminded of the miracle of life when we see a newborn, but we can sometimes forget that our body is a miracle every single day. Current influences suggest that we are inadequate and we should despise our bodies. It makes us feel as if we can do better than what God has already done.  We can lose sight of what we are designed for and to give thanks for that.

While I was waiting to see the doctor on Thursday, over a cup of hot chocolate, I gave thanks to God for the miracles that make life look so simple to us.

Getting Discharged Today

After 5 days in the hospital, I get to go home today. Will finally see the sky and some greenery I hope. I am still waiting for the urologist to discharge me so timing is a bit of a variable. The tests that he ran 2 days ago did not yield any bacteria cultures so I will not know what bug I actually caught. Vicious but shy. But since the symptoms are lessening, we know that the antibiotics are working. As I have developed prostatic abscesses, I will be kept on antibiotics  for a few more weeks. 

The urologist will still keep the the catheter in so I will go home proudly carrying the urine bag. I will be resting at home for about a week before I part ways with the urine bag, that is if I no longer have issues urinating on my own. I will have to make daily visits to the hospital to receive the IV antibiotic. For this arrangement to be feasible, I will be switching to a new antibiotic, which only requires 1 dose a day rather than 3. I also need to be fitted with a long IV line in my arm. Not looking forward to that. 

In times like these, I am again reminded of how vulnerable we can be. When we are well, we can act as if nothing can stop us. We can spend too much time focusing our energy on acquiring more. We expect everything to work at the Singaporean level of efficiency. We form the view that if things in our lives are not what we expected, we can get them to perfection. In reality, life is full of ups and downs. There has been huge advancements in science and medicine, but a tiny bug can wreck havoc and turn a grown man into a groaning man. I for one know that am more vulnerable than I think of myself and I need God.  I need God's help to see the vulnerabilities in others and be an encourager. I need God's help to strike a balance in my life so that I don't find myself chasing after meaningless things. I need God's help to see that whether I am winning or losing in this life, I am always winning in God's eye. 

In today's world, there are so many angry voices against the existence of God or the belief in God. There is so much hatred towards the name of Jesus, because His church and followers have abused or been disobedient to His teaching. We place our hopes on what humankind can achieve if we can all work together, a big if.  We are losing sight of how vulnerable we really are and are too quick to write-off the existence of God. Yet God shows great compassion despite our human condition, and we see that clearer when we are vulnerable.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and   his righteousness with their children’s children-

with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

~ Psalm 103: 13 - 18 (NIV)

Instant Responses

I just finished a bowl of Beehoon Soup for breakfast. With time on my hand, I am thinking back to the last weekend when the pain got unbearable. I had done some tests on Friday and met the urologist to run through the results on Saturday. He gave me a muscle relaxant to help me urinate. It was rather troubling that on Saturday night, despite taking the muscle relaxant, my condition felt worse. I googled and it seems that this medication takes up to 4 days to be fully effective. So although I was in pain, I felt it was reasonable to give it some time. 

I didn't have much sleep that night, and there was a point in the night, I felt really sorry for myself and asked God why I had to deal with so many incredibly unpleasant medical issues. Wasn't it enough to have been hit by lymphoma 2 years back? Don't I get an immunity card after that episode? All the doctors I saw in the last couple of weeks had to ask me the standard questions to rule out STD, and despite not having done anything wrong, I have ended up in such pain. Feeling sorry for myself must have made me momentarily sleepy, as I dozed off before hearing an answer from God.

On Sunday night, my condition worsened. And each time I tried going to the toilet, I was praying that I would be able to empty my bladder. You don't find this kind of prayer in the Methodist hymnal. They were raw and demanding, seeking instant response. And I felt that something was going to go very wrong soon if this continued. I could feel and see my abdomen bulging due to my overstretched bladder. I knew for sure I would not be able to get through another night like that. That was when I contacted the urologist.

Yesterday afternoon, after having had the chance to rehydrate my body, I went for an MRI. The results confirmed that I did not have prostate cancer. I didn't think that it was cancer, but it was good to have a confirmation. However, the MRI did show that I have abscesses in my prostate. From what I read, these can be, well, dangerous. The urologist said that if it had been 1 large abscess, he would remove it. However, I have multiple smaller ones which made the risk -returns of such a procedure non-viable. I will have to rely on the antibiotics to do its job. 

Last night, I laid in bed thinking what if I had been able to pee more easily on Sunday. Would I have called the urologist? I remember thinking about all the meetings I may have to miss if I had to go to the hospital on Monday. I even looked through the calendar to see what may be a better time to go to the hospital. God didn't leave me any options but to call the urologist, and He didn't leave me any options but to get myself to the hospital soonest possible. He needed me to be started on a stronger antibiotic and to stop the vicious cycle of toxicity that the worsening condition was creating. God wanted me to use my common sense.

I sometimes look for quick fixes when none can be offered. God is the Great Physician and needs us to cooperate with Him to get the best results. 

Ate Alone Tonight

I had dinner by myself tonight. I didn't have much of an appetite but the Chicken Rice was pretty good, so I managed to finish it along with the Acar and the vegetable soup. Good choice. This wasn't my first time having a hospital meal. I had them when each of the kids were delivered. Those were definitely better times to be in a hospital. Those are the only times people would ever want to come to a hospital.

I was admitted this morning for bacterial prostatitis. It started out as Urinary Tract Infection about 3 weeks back. I went to the GP twice but the condition persisted. Eventually the GP referred me to a urologist who suspected I had prostatitis. He ordered urine and blood tests for me, and made me do the DRE - Digital Rectal Examination. It feels even more awful than it sounds. In the procedure, the doctor sticks his gloved finger up the bum and presses against the prostate to examine it and to express prostatic fluids which will be collected from the urine. Traumatic is the only way I would describe it. Several days later, I had to do a transrectal ultrasound which was like DRE Part 2. We are just not designed to have thing

After those tests, I was put on a new antibiotic specifically for prostatitis and a muscle relaxant that is meant to ease the pain when I urinate. Despite taking the new medication, my condition got worse. Over the weekend, I barely caught any sleep as I constantly felt the urge to urinate but all it produced was a lot of pain. Early this morning, I decided that I had to call the urologist. He asked for me to be admitted to the hospital. 

By the time I got to the hospital, I was worn out and in a lot of pain. I could feel a baby bump developing because my bladder was so full. The first thing the urologist did was to fix me up with a catheter which immediately drained away the urine that was jamming up my bladder. He said most people would be able to keep up to 500ml of urine. I had 700ml, and it would have been more had I not limited my water intake due to the discomfort. The catheter provided immediate relief, even though fixing it up was far more horrendous than the DRE or the transrectal ultrasound. I shall leave out the details except for the fact that the catheter and the urine bag will follow me around for a week or so. 

So far so good. When I got to my bed, they set up the IV line to pump in a stronger antibiotic. So yet another catheter, this one on my right hand. All the set ups limit my movements so I've stayed in bed the whole day drifting in and out of sleep. I have been drinking lots of water to rehydrate my body and to prepare myself for tomorrow's MRI. But it makes me feel bloated.

I have to hand it to my wife for putting up with all of hospital procedures each time she gave birth to our 3 kids. She had far more patience to handle all of it. Bless her. 

Thank God for His grace that sustained me through this past few weeks.

Francais

 So I signed up for a French class at Alliance Franciase two weeks ago. It wasn't something I had planned to do, it just happened after I got up from a weekend afternoon nap. The school is between the office and home. Resonably priced and Skillsfuture deductible. If it isn't quite what I expect, it would only be 8 weeks, once a week, to completion. It seems like a better bet for me than a gym membership. And no need to buy special attire, no need to change, and no need to break into sweat, maybe.

Yesterday I attended the first class; Adult - French for Beginners. It felt good to go back to the classroom, getting a brand new set of text and exercise books. I like the smell of new books, and it has been a while since I got myself any. The books came in a tote bag, which also contained a note book, a pen and some brochures. I like freebie welcome packs. Although it was a relatively small class, probably not more than 20 of us, it was quite diverse - locals, American, Philippino, Thai, Chinese, Malaysian, students, finance/banking, pastry chef, secretary, medical technician, engineer, pre-school teacher etc. Everyone was slightly awkward being around people they don't know, but they all seemed ready to dive in. It felt like the first day in Uni except there are no exams involved here, which is a nice.

After we took turns to introduce ourselves in francais, the teacher started the lesson by getting us to read some phrases out loud in whichever way we thought the pronounciation goes. We had to read it out loud, before he would tell us how to pronounce it correctly and what the phrases meant. And that was how the rest of the class went. We give something, before he gave something back. The approach built up our confidence to just give it a try. After about half an hour it became instinctive for us to read out everything in our broken French. With French, you can't just work it out in your head how you are going to make a particular sound, you have to train your mouth, tongue, throat and nose how to get their act together. 

I am still not particularly sure why I decided to learn French. I did feel slightly annoyed that when I was reading up or googling places of interest in France, I would face challenges pronouncing the names, much less remember them. I would be good to know where you want to go. I know that I didn't want to do anything career related. My recent change in role at work is already giving me the opportunity to learn quite a few things, and on-the-job training is my preferred mode of development. 

It seemed fun to learn for fun sake, although there were points in the class where I wondered whether it would be much fun to have to remember the male and female equivalent of each word. Perhaps my brain was looking for a challenging exercise, something which the French pronounciation certainly offers. They say that the letters at the end of a French word are often silent, but not really. It is more like you have to pronounce it half-way. Take for example the word 'non', you have to picture that there is half an 'n' at the back of the word. Or the delightfully bubbly word 'champagne', you have to picture that there is half an 'e' at the end of the word. It is a two-syllable word that can sound like a three-syllable word. 

Maybe it is just the idea that I can take my time to learn something completely new and see where it takes me.  Perhaps to a complicated sounding village in a part of France unknown to me.